๐ Meet Your Head Mistress (Arielle Zadok, ABS)
Weโre kicking things off with our first intro about yours truly.
When I initially envisioned the โpeople to learn fromโ section of The Sexy Directory, I didnโt consider that I would have to do my own profile. You see, the whole point of building this platform is to lift the voices of others by leaning into my own skills and expertise not only as a sex educator, but as a producer, making it easier to connect people to professionals (especially since we are shadow banned for simply using accurate terms for body parts, I digress). That being said, once I started to think about the first post to go out, I realized it needed to be about me. So, without further ado, allow me to introduceโฆ myself.
Name: Arielle Zadok, ABS (She / Her)
Title: Intimacy coordinator, sexologist & Head Mistress
What do you do: Iโm a Pleasure Producer and Intimacy Architect, helping people create safe, connected, and deeply fulfilling experiencesโwhether on screen, in real life, or within play spaces. As an Intimacy Coordinator, I ensure intimate scenes in film and TV are handled with care, consent, and expert choreography. As a Sexologist and Coach, I work with individuals and couples to navigate challenges, deepen intimacy, and explore desire. And as Head Mistress of The Sexy Directory, I curate expert-led resources, from sex education and date ideas to product recommendations, making pleasure more accessible and exciting. No matter the space, my work is all about helping people have better experiences with sex, love, and relationships.
Website: www.ArielleZadok.com // www.TheSexyDirectory.com
Socials: @ArielleZadok // @TheSexyDirectory on all platforms
Podcast: Birds & Bees Donโt Fck
Favorite pleasure product: Iโm not sure I could live without my Chakrubs Heart Curve. You can check it out here.
Favorite song to get you in the mood: Just about anything Portishead will get the vibes right. Roseland Ballroom anyone? IYKYK.
Whatโs one piece of sex or intimacy advice to share: Go slow, stay curious and keep the honest communication going. Whether youโre having sex, going on a first date or engaging in a difficult conversation, these tools will help you stay present with the person and situation in front of you, grounded in your own body and needs, and in a space to prioritize pleasure and ease instead of getting lost in a goal (i.e. orgasm, winning an argument, feeling like youโre on an interview instead of a date) which often prevents us from having the experiences we actually desire.
Anyone whoโs been in a conversation with me about a topic I get excited about, or if theyโve listened to an episode of Birds & Bees Donโt Fck, will tell you itโs pretty clear Iโm a New Yorker and a fire sign (aka, spicy). When I get going, I get going. I have a lot of opinions and Iโm not afraid to share them, usually at a fast pace. I tend to get straight to the point and Iโm not too fussed about small talk. And the thing about being a New Yorker, especially if youโre born and raised, is that the energy of NYC never leaves your body. It should also be said that when I say New Yorker, I mean someone who was raised in and around the city, which is much different than being hours away (we also tend to make that part clear too).
Given that NYC energy is woven into the fabric of my being, Iโve chosen to spend most of my adult life in warmer, more pleasurable places; Florida, New Zealand and now Los Angeles.
I promise not to skip the New Zealand part, but letโs start with my earliest memories of sex education, which is not what youโd expect.
In 1980 Dr. Ruth Westheimer first debut her show โSexually Speakingโ on WYNY-FM in New York City, and by the time I was born in 1983, her show was the top-rated show heard in the nationโs largest radio market (the one I lived in). By the time my big sister moved out and I took over her room, I found myself tucked under the covers, listening to my Sony Dream Machine (you know the one) in the dark on the lowest volume I could set it at and still hear.
Some kids read books in the dark, I listened to Dr. Ruthโฆ and watched Real Sex on HBO.
Yes, thatโs right. We had HBO (a privilege) and I had a TV in my room (another privilege) and I would watch Real Sex in the dark with the brightness down low and the volume at a minimum because again, I was that kid. And while I know thinking of a child seeing such images and hearing such stories is wildly inappropriate, itโs also my truth, and the truth for me was that I was fascinated.
It wasnโt so much that sex was fascinating (I doubt understood what sex actually was), but nudity, how actors kissed on TV and all of the different ways adults were doing adult things absolutely was.
As a child, I wanted to get naked with everyone, not to do anything sexual, I just thought it was interesting. I would watch people in TV and movies opening and closing their mouths pressed together and deconstruct the movements, which now makes becoming an intimacy coordinator feel like a natural progression. I would watch how different people express eroticism and connection on Real Sex and listen to all the challenges people had in their relationships on Sexually Speaking and Loveline. I was just curious, not about dinosaurs or unicorns, but about humans.
That curiosity followed me through the rest of my life, and continues to today. Working for two of LAโs top lifestyle parties I get to both create the space for and witness my fair share of erotic expressions and still to this day I am fascinated. Iโve read books, obtained certifications, and consumed more sex edutainment than I could ever quantify and one of the biggest takeaways from all of my self study, as well as my formal education is this;
There can never be too may people sharing the same information delivered in their own special way.
While my curiosity and fascination lead me down the path of sex education, the love of my life has always been entertainment.
Before there was Dr. Ruth and Real Sex, there was a 3 years old singing into a flashlight pretending she was on a grand stage, though it didnโt take long before she would find a real one. I was 4 years old when I took my first dance class, and from that point on my family was tortured by their little Leo with a big voice who would put on living room dance recitals with her big sister (bless her). As a teenager I sang the entirety of RENT so many times my parents still shiver at the thought of it. I assure you nothing is worse than a high school theatre kid who just found their new favorite musical.
All throughout my childhood and teenhood you could find me in a dance class or on a stage. I was in every play, every talent show, every chorus and every chamber choir I could get an audition for. I was a cheerleader not because I was an athlete (I still hate working out) but because I saw it as another way to perform. She is a Leo.
It wasnโt just being on stage that I loved though, I loved behind the scenes too. Whether it was helping out with stage crew, taking AV classes or helping out with student lead video projects, I wanted to be a part of it. In college I majored in Mass Communication & TV Production but I took so many extra classes in theatre and was in so many shows that if I wanted to stay an extra semester (which would have meant graduating on time instead of a semester early), I would have had a minor in theatre. I didnโt even mean to graduate early, it justโฆ happened like that, thanks to theatre.
The next 20 years of my life were spent on sets, in production offices, at agencies and leading an impossible mission at Disney Television (a full circle moment for a girl who is still called โMermaidโ).
Iโve been an agent, a producer, an assistant director, an agency producer, a project manager, the co-head of health and safety for the largest television studio during a global pandemic when no one knew which way was up, and now an intimacy coordinator. Iโve gone from performing in front of my family in our living room to performing in front of 17,000 people at the Hollywood Bowl (okay, that oneโs a bit of a stretch but I did dance on stage with Bell Biv DeVoe at the bowl, and I have the video to prove it). The point is, thereโs almost no aspect of TV, film, events, advertising and theatre I have not worked in or experienced at one point or another and thatโs because entertainment and creating experiences was, and truly is, the love of my life.
Entertainment has the power to connect us, help us explore our beliefs, feel seen and of course educate which is probably why in 2020 I started creating sex ed videos, a few of which can still be found on YouTube today.
Thatโs what ultimately put my on the path of obtaining my first sexuality certification, a Sex Education certification through Everyone Deserves Sex Ed. That was followed up with an Consent Forward Artist Certificate with IDC Professionals, an Intimacy Coordinator Certification with Intimacy Professionals Association and a Sex Education Certification with Modern Sex Therapy Institutes (which Iโm still completing).
But before there was sex education & intimacy coordination, there was Holistic Health Coaching, my first foray into the world of supporting others with their intimate goals.
By 2010 I was sick of living in Florida (as one would be, no offense) and having nothing holding me back from moving as far away as I could get, I accepted an invitation from a friend and old co-worker to come visit him in New Zealand. It went a little something like this:
Him: You should come out and visit, stay as long as youโd like
Me: Cool, Iโm gonna move out of FL and come live on your couch
Him: Sweet as
Me: No man, like Iโm really gonna come live on your couch
Him: Yeah cool
Me: Iโm serious. Tell your roommates. Theyโre about to have a woman living on their couch.
Him: When should I pick you up?
And thatโs pretty much how it went. I moved out of my apartment, left my dog, my car and whatever I could store with my parents, gave my cats to friends, spent 6 months working on travel jobs in the US and finally left for Wanaka New Zealand in November.
What I thought would be 6 months in New Zealand turned into 4 years.
The first question people always ask is โwhat did you do for workโ and the answer is, my job. The first year + that I lived in Wanaka I worked at a restaurant (as we all do) and I flew back to the US for a couple of big production jobs. When I knew I was going to make New Zealand my home for the foreseeable future, I moved up to Auckland where thereโs much more film and advertising and settled into my new home with my new production community.
My time in NZ now feels extremely short, but it was the most impactful thing Iโve ever done in my life and I will always be a Kiwi at heart (something I feel okay saying only because Kiwis consistently affirm this). Sometimes I miss NZ so much I can literally feel my heart break, but I donโt believe in regret so I know Iโm here for a reasonโฆ and honestly I donโt think The Sexy Directory would exist if I stayed. I donโt know who I would be if I stayed, but I know who I became because I went.
In Maลri, Wฤnaka translates to โsacred knowledge or a place of learningโ and thatโs exactly what it was for me. It was in the illumination provided by the star lit sky and the curves of the mountains against the ice cold waters of Lake Wฤnaka that I learned who I really was, for better or worse. It was the beginning of my wellness journey, though I would not become a holistic health coach until years later while living in Auckland. A piece of me will always be left in Aotearoa, the proper Maลri name for the land, and a piece of Aotearoa will always be with meโฆ and I donโt just mean my dog Rosie, who happens to be a Kiwi.
In the years that followed I continued to develop myself as a coach, educator, producer and performer, culminating in who I am today.
The truth is I spent many years juggling between health coaching and working in production, two opposite sides of the health spectrum, but the more I leaned into my own sensuality through pole dancing, my fascination with humans as a sexologist, my own sexual expansion and my proven track record as a production leader, the more it made sense to bring all of these parts of myself together.
Now sex and intimacy are woven into my daily lifeโwhether Iโm supporting cast and crew on set, helping clients build confidence and skills for their own erotic and romantic experiences, facilitating play parties, or writing for The Sexy Directory. Every day, I get to do what I love, bringing together all my years of experience in one powerful, integrated practice.
I love what I do and I have so many exciting things cooking for you, including building a gamified platform to make learning skills a hell of a lot more fun and engaging and offering couples VIP days and concierge services (theyโre so juicy), but for now, my focus is on filling this substack with reviews and articles to help lift some of the weight off your shoulders when it comes to coming up with dates, figuring out what sex toys to buy or working through a challenge in the bedroom.
So what do I do when Iโm not working on sex and intimacy projects?
Many of you may be shocked to learn that I am in the cast of an improv show for kids called the Rockinโ Awesome Improv Show. Iโve been in the cast for 5 years but weโve been a show for 15 and itโs an absolute joy and privilege to get to play on stage with such talented people and bring joy to kids and parents alike.
Mostly though, Iโm doing car stuff. I drive a 1974 MBG named Lizzy, and I am in love with her. Together we are the hosts of the Los Angeles Distinguished Gentlemanโs Drive, an annual rally where vintage car enthusiasts from around the world get dressed in their most dapper attire and drive their vintage cars to raise money for Movember, the largest global organization focusing on menโs mental health, suicide prevention, testicular and prostate cancer research. So not only does this combine sexual wellness, mental health and production, but I also get to gather a bunch of vintage cars and get people dressed in character. Weโve raised nearly $50,000 in Los Angeles alone and weโre about to celebrate our 5th year. To learn more, click here.
PHEW. We did it. I probably should have gotten someone else to write this for me, but it felt like something I needed to do, so thanks for coming along for the ride. Iโm really excited to do this kind of profile on the different experts we bring to you through The Sexy Directory so if there are any specific questions youโd want to ask others, go ahead and comment below if youโre a paid subscriber, itโs what the membership is for!
Thatโs all from me for now!
xx
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